Living With Autism
Hello folks! April 2nd was World Autism Awareness Day, and while belated, I figured it was as good a time as any to share some of my experiences as a person with autism myself. It is well worth noting that I am but a singular person with autism, not a monolith. My experiences may be different from those of others you know. If you wish to learn more, I’ve attached links to some websites at the end of the article that can further educate you on the topic.
Special Interests
It will likely surprise few if you have followed me for long enough that one of my special interests is cats. I started reading Warrior Cats as a kid. I already loved cats before, and thus, I joined my first fandom. The Blight of Avenir is a product of my love of cats and a book series that consumed much of my childhood.
Of course, I’ve got more than cats as a special interest, and you can spawn new ones over time. We’re not necessarily one-trick ponies with which we find one thing fascinating and only focus on that for our whole lives.
My special interests are generally artistic, with drawing, writing, and even singing recently. I love writing stories and thinking about how different people must feel in various circumstances, as well as the steps people may have taken to reach a path. My special interests bring me much joy, and in this, I can say I do enjoy this aspect of having autism.
I’m sure many of you wonder about other elements that may seem more detrimental to living in society and how a person like me manages the trickier symptoms of autism.
Sensory input/Overload
Let us start with how sensory input works for me. Do you know the tropes of when a vampire is first turned? They cannot filter out all the sounds and become overwhelmed by all the voices and various sounds in a room to the point that nothing makes sense. Or how telepaths can get overwhelmed in large crowds because they hear the voices of hundreds of people all at once clamouring in their heads?
Those tropes perfectly show how being in a large crowd can feel. It is hard to filter out all the sensory inputs simultaneously, so engaging in conversations becomes difficult.
I manage this by avoiding places I know will be crowded. I stand close to the middle of the conversation to hear multiple people simultaneously. Another way I tend to do this is to sort of guide whatever group I’m in away from any seething mass of people so that we can be to the side.
Conventions are the most significant example of an event I go to every so often, in which crowds are unavoidable. Some conventions have quiet rooms, which are invaluable for people with sensory issues and can be a godsend for helping one de-escalate sensory overload. Having access to a quiet room, finding a less crowded corner, and taking some quiet time on your phone or just relaxing for a bit with no pressure to necessarily socialize can be good.
While I have not tried this myself, I hear some people with autism wear headphones to reduce the amount of sound they are exposed to. More discrete earplugs are also available, designed to reduce the decibels of sound without completely erasing sound, which can be handy. I have a friend who uses Raycons with Active Noise Canceling mode, and it works very well for him.
Sensory overload can also come from non-auditory sources, such as touch. One example I can think of off the top of my head is how sherpa makes my skin feel. You know the sound of nails scraping on a chalkboard? Imagine a texture that could give you that same sensation when you touch it.
My general mechanism for avoiding this method of overstimulation is to avoid buying products with that texture.
Work uniforms are a daily example of uncomfortable textures that may be unavoidable. Some work uniforms are uncomfortable, and starchy clothing with prominent seams can be painful. Sometimes, asking for a different option for your work uniform may be possible. However, I generally wear an Under Armour shirt, which enables it not to touch my skin directly.
A scent-based example of sensory overload is what happens after I eat a meal. Whether or not I liked what I ate, if I keep the dirty dish beside me for too long, eventually, the sensory input becomes rage-inducing. Such a response has led me to be prompt in ensuring the dishes get cleaned so I don’t get overloaded by the scent.
Social Cues
One of the most well-known traits of autism is, no doubt, our difficulty in picking up on social cues.
Having a combination of both autism and anxiety means I might perceive someone as being annoyed with the conversation, when they are just highly engaged with it. Social situations can be tricky. It can often feel like you’re missing out on a memo everyone else got, which can be very frustrating.
Being autistic at times feels like the rest of the world gets to drive automatic while we have to drive manual on all these various cues. All the things neurotypicals typically get- like how much eye contact is acceptable or flirting, which can be an incredibly subtle dance of social cues- must be manually interpreted rather than intuitively grasped. There have been times I have looked back years later and went- wait, was that person flirting with me? And the answer was yes. Yes, they were.
Maintaining eye contact in the supposedly right way is difficult, too. Imagine my surprise when I was in my speech class and they told the class that holding eye contact for more than ten seconds was considered “psycho” levels of eye contact—their words, not mine. Before that, I would maintain eye contact for most of a conversation, believing that was how one should do it. I’m still not sure what the right thing is on that.
I have picked up books on learning how to read body language to improve the degree to which I am not as good at reading people as others might be. But I can’t say it's a cure-all solution by any means.
My best counter to this is asking if I am missing something. I do not always know that I am missing something, but if I start picking up that there is a cue I am missing out on, being direct is my only real recourse.
Routine
People with autism are well known for their preference for routine. In that regard, my day job is a good fit for me. There’s hardly anything more routine than a bus driver job with a set route. It's not exciting, but having a job with few surprises is nice. Even the surprises are within a certain deviation from the norm, in which they're predictable when they do happen.
Structure is excellent in an autistic person’s life, and having such helps me be consistent in a way that works very well in my particular career path. Bus routes are about maintaining a strict schedule or a routine, which slots very well for an autistic person.
Pattern Recognition
Talking about my job leads me to another bit that can be a factor for autistic brains, which is an increased ability to recognize patterns. I have driven my route many times over the years, and I can generally tell you the patterns you can expect and predict when they turn green. I know where accidents are most likely to happen because I’ve SEEN it happen often. I can tell you where pedestrians are most likely to cross illegally. Could this all be simply the fact that I’ve done this job for many years and recognized patterns, and nothing to do with autism? Of course it could.
However, patterns are a part of life, and in driving for a living, knowing these patterns can be essential to avoiding risky parts of the route. I like to think that my autism has helped me be a better driver in this regard.
Expressiveness
In many places, you will read about autism, and you will find that people with autism often have a flat affect and do not express much or use many hand gestures. However. Whether by an effect of masking, socialization, or personality, the exact opposite can be true. An autistic person can be found to be more expressive and emotive, and I often find myself on this spectrum rather than the opposite.
This is where the concept of “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” often comes from. Autistic women who express themselves in a very accentuated way become an object of desire because of it. The trope of “Manic Pixie Dream Girl’ can be problematic, but that would require another article, so we’ll leave it at that for now.
Stimming
What is stimming? Stimming can be hand flapping, bouncing legs, or picking at the skin around your fingers or lips. It may look like they’re just a very fidgety individual. I admit that my most unhealthy stim is picking at hangnails.
Fidget toys can be good distractions to stop self-harming ones. On my more stressed days, I bring a plush toy that can fit in the palm of my hand, even while I am driving without getting in my way.
It is soothing and comforting and provides a focus for my very stressed mind that is not the internal stressors within. Driving can be a very stressful job, as even if you can predict many of the patterns of crazed behavior out there… That does not make it any less crazy that people do those things regularly.
Stimming can be a helpful outlet for stress and prevent sensory overload, and it does not necessarily need to be repressed. Another term people use to describe stimming is Self-soothing techniques, which is an apt description if I don’t say so myself.
Meltdowns/Shutdowns
One might think it odd that I’m placing these in the same category, but they are very much related. Both are caused by a response to social stressors or sensory overload, which causes someone's system to become significantly activated.
A meltdown is an outward expression of this and is far more visible. When I get to this state, I try to get to a place where it is less public. Do you know how fast-food workers sometimes cry in the walk-in fridge and how it's normal? (Poor fastfood workers) I can tell you for a fact that it is very accurate.
My primary strategy for meltdowns is to try to manage my sensory overloads and social stressors. How I manage my sensory overloads was covered in the previous section. My social stressors are complicated, and I don’t know how to cover them succinctly, other than trying to surround myself with people who have good vibes. I don’t give them many chances to stick around if they give off bad vibes. Oftentimes, I find that my longest-lasting relationships are with other neurodivergent people, so when I find out someone has gotten diagnosed, I am generally more surprised they didn’t know!
Shutdowns are the opposite side of the coin, but no less part of the same overload system. Where meltdowns may be considered a fight-or-flight reaction, I see shutdowns as a freeze response. At times, this may or may not take the form of dissociation, making one not feel much of anything about the situation, or feeling really tired and just done with the situation.
Shutdowns are much more subtle and often easy to miss. I find they are my body’s way of telling me the situation is too much to handle at the time and that it's time to withdraw and recharge.
Naps can be great for either a shutdown or a meltdown to help a person recharge.
Neither of these is easy for an autistic person to go through, and having a support structure of people who understand what you are going through and are willing to listen is essential to helping autistic folk through challenging situations like this. The links below have great resources for answering questions about any autistic people in your lives. I am also open to answering questions, though I know I am merely coming from firsthand experience, and can only speak to my own experiences. I am not a professional in the field by any means.
Masking
“But (insert person’s name)! You don’t act autistic!”
If you’ve ever heard someone say this, or perhaps said it yourself, it should be known that it is a bit offensive. However, you have made it this far into the article, for which I must say. Thank you! It's always good to be willing to educate yourself to understand the world and people around you better—or perhaps even yourself, if you have autism.
Out there in the world, there are many cliches surrounding autism, like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, or the Manic Pixie Dream Girl stereotype.
Masking involves changing how an autistic person might naturally go through the world to fit in better. The most recent example that I described would be going in private to have meltdowns. This is less disruptive for the general populace, but may result in those having meltdowns going through them alone. I appreciate and love that my husband is willing to ride it with me when I’m in a meltdown. It is not an easy experience to go through, but having support through it means everything to the person experiencing it.
Another example of masking would be hiding stims or perhaps altering them to better fit into a neurotypical society. I must say—hooray for the popularization of fidget toys. I approve 10/10. Masking in this way can result in faster autistic burnout. Autistic burnout could have an article all on its own, so for brevity, I will say it looks like a Shutdown, which can possibly last for days, weeks, or even months.
Masking also includes mirroring the behaviors of those around you. Is someone crossing their arms? So do you. However, I usually don’t because I have learned this can come across as defensive, and I don’t want to come across as that. That’s just an example. You try to blend in with those around you by adapting their body language and whatnot.
In some cases, being extra expressive when your default is a flat affect can be a form of masking, too. I do not think it is, but masking can be tricky even for someone actively in the process of doing it. Because of the way we have been socialized, we may find ourselves acting in ways counter to our nature in order to blend in. Women often do it more often than men, leading to lower rates of being diagnosed.
Masking can increase the rate at which people with autism have shutdowns/meltdowns. I have found the less I feel the need for masking the easier I find interactions to be.
Having my neurodivergent friend group has been great for me in not necessarily feeling the need to mask as much- albeit even I have much to learn in what masking even means given its quite deeply rooted some parts of culture to go along is to get along, and that the nail that stick out gets nailed down. So, having an accepting social support network willing to accept rather than look down at your particular quirks means all the world.
I have found that there is no better feeling in the world than to be accepted as who you are, even with your oddities. And there are those people out there.
Conclusion
Thank you so much for taking the time to read through this article! As I said at the beginning, these are merely my experiences, and they do not necessarily reflect those of every autistic person you might meet. We’re people; we come in many shapes and sizes and are not simply defined by this one aspect of us.
If you want to know more about autism, feel free to contact me and ask questions or click one of the links below.
Here are also some links to products Yewpets has that have the autistic pride flag. Living with autism can have its struggles but I’m largely a happy camper nonetheless.
https://yewpets.com/products/autistic-pride-flag-wallet-smiling-cat
https://yewpets.com/products/autistic-pride-flag-happy-cat